There’s no shortage of anger in the world. People go out of their way to punish or harm others with their words and opinions. Social media has become a hotbed of cruelty, falsehood and accusation, and people are numbed by an endless stream of insults and invective emanating from strangers, and even America’s highest office holder. If there’s a shortage of anything, it’s mercy.
Self-hatred is growing alongside hatred of others in a cyclical blame game. A growing epidemic of depression, self-abuse, psychosis, sleep disorders, loneliness and feelings of isolation is breeding an over-medicated population, one increasingly dependent upon pharmaceuticals and mood-altering substances. Feeding this cycle of despondency and despair are a host of profit-making corporations which, while producing a constant stream of advertising about improving life, are actually dependent upon a growing population of psychological casualties. What could mercy possibly do about that?
I understand that many people feel like shit about their lives. Life ain’t easy, and none of us get out of it alive. That said, suffering calls for mercy. Isn’t life itself punishing enough? Must we really add to the experiences of suffering by inflicting our blame and anger upon others? Mercy, however, begins with oneself.
We’ve all messed up in one way or another, perhaps in many ways. We’ve lied, cheated, stolen, been unfaithful, greedy, selfish, thoughtless, and on top of it, our penmanship stinks. Add your own items to this list; there are endless ways to suffer, and we all are suffering. If ever a situation called for mercy, this is it. Feeling merciful towards oneself does not mean relinquishing responsibility; it means forgiving ourselves for being human and trying harder to be a good person. And if we can forgive ourselves, honestly admit our failings and faults, it’s easier to forgive others. Nobody’s perfect.
Mercy can start with small gestures; it doesn’t have to be globally all-inclusive. Let’s say your spouse forgets to wash some dishes. Or perhaps the toilet seat gets left up instead of being put down. Mercy. Some things simply don’t matter enough to punish others about them. Starting with little things leads to mercy about bigger things.
You might run into some big things about which you cannot find mercy. This raises the idea of forgiving the person but not the behavior, and some behavior is indeed unforgivable. Separating the two can be very difficult but is possible. Understanding that everyone is suffering in ways we’ll never fully know can help solve this dilemma. Think about someone who is behaving terribly in a cruel and vicious way towards others, and you can be absolutely certain they are suffering. It may be a twisted-up sort of suffering, the product of a miserable early childhood or being the victim of bullying or trauma, but it really doesn’t matter. Suffering is suffering, and mercy is mercy.
Some people feel that offering mercy implies power over others, that it necessarily accompanies the power to punish. So too, granting forgiveness is a challenge for some for the same reason; it represents a power differential. But all this is just so much cogitation. Mercy does not require logic.
The idea of acceptance is easier for some people, but there’s a difference between acceptance and mercy. Acceptance is passive, while mercy is active, involving an emotional movement outwards towards another. Mercy requires more accordingly but is also more satisfying on all accounts.
