The world as we know it will end in 2012, or so says the Mayan calendar. Personally, I’ve not used the Mayan calendar for years; it’s too much trouble hauling around those massive stone structures aligned with cardinal points and keeping track of the shadows they cast. Moreover, I find human sacrifice unpalatable, as well as plucking feathers from various endangered species of birds. By comparison, my iPhone calendar is far too handy.
The inconvenience of the Mayan calendar aside, its so-called prediction is yet another in a long line of end-of-the-world prophesies that have been with us since human beings started waiting for the sun to rise. Early on, it was a solar eclipse that sent us reeling; an enormous dragon, we were told by FOX News (or its period equivalent) was consuming the sun! To satisfy the dragon, people must repent, and (by the way) make a generous material contribution to those who have influence on dragons.
Bible prophesy included the four horsemen of the apocalypse and beasts, and 144,000 souls lifted to heaven and goodness knows a big sloppy mess for everyone else to clean up.
In more modern times, Y2K was supposed to be the end of the world. You remember Y2K don’t you, the year 2000? This was the year when all the computers in the world were going to stop working at the stroke of midnight on December 31st, 1999. Trains would stop running, bank deposits would disappear, nuclear weapons would spontaneously ignite, cats would mate with dogs, Armageddon and an eternity of darkness would come upon us! Oops, never mind. Everything was just fine. How disappointing it all was, except for the people who make Twinkies (they say Twinkies have a shelf-life of 20,000 years!).
2012 is the latest entry into the end of times sweepstakes. If the predictions are right, none of us will be around to enjoy it. If they are wrong, we all must continue to pay our bills, which is a real bummer. Not having to pay our bills might well be the entire basis of these types of 2012 rumors, especially if the bills are taxes. “I’d rather be French-fried than pay my taxes,” one U.S. Senator was heard to say to a guy in the next stall of the men’s bathroom in the U.S. Capitol building; somebody told me this, and I believe him. Another pal o’ mine said the recent Tea-Party anti-tax, anti-government crusaders started the whole 2012 thing, which makes sense to me. Some people will do anything to avoid paying taxes. Hey, this whole recession is about avoiding taxes!
These end of the world fantasies are always a matter of marketing. If you look beneath the prediction, some idea is always for sale. It might be redemption, salvation, pay-back for bad behavior, alignment of the planets, unfortunate karma, pure chance or bad luck. No matter, as the end approaches we are all asked to believe one thing or another. What did one Brontosaurus said to another as the flaming asteroid approached earth 65 million years ago? “Don’t worry about paying your PG&E bill.”
Despite everyone else’s predictions, I happen to know exactly when the world will end. The world will end when I die, and I defy anyone to prove it to me otherwise.
